Hi everyone!
I know it seems that I have kind of fallen off the face of Earth, and I kind of did. Without rattling on with too much detail, I have been driving the struggle bus. Depression and anxiety are a hell of a thing. It is remarkable, you can read inspirational memes about how anxiety lies to you and tells you that you’re no good at anything, or depression tells you no one cares, or that there is no point in what you’re doing and you can sympathize and relate, but living through it is a whole different beast.
I feel like 2019 was a dark year for me, but I also feel that 2020 is time for me to come back out of the darkness. I feel like this has been a learning and turning point in my life. One thing I’ve learned in life is we go through several big changes in life, and 2019 I think was one of mine. I felt utterly aimless, reading didn’t interest me, writing didn’t interest me, I didn’t have time for pretty much anything, and yet never seemed to get anything done. It was really frustrating.
I spent the last two months of 2019 in deep reflection, and the start of 2020 trying to implement the results of that reflection into my every day life. This has been a lot of meditation and self affirmations, to help me find my center again when things get off kilter. I am learning to block other people’s energy and not take that home with me, this one has been a big struggle. I am an energy sponge, so when I am around negative energy it effects me on a deep level, and sadly there is a lot of negative energy in this world. This is one reason I stepped back from social media. My go-to was always Facebook and toward the end of November 2019, I realized how draining it was to me. I deactivated my account, my author page is still up, but I haven’t been able to add or edit anything without reactivating, and I am not willing to do that at this time. I do have a helper who is an admin on the page, and I may commission her to add updates throughout this year, but that is not a guarantee. I do still have my Twitter, and check it about once a week, and my Instagram, so if you check those two places you will be interacting directly with me. But again, I don’t use them that often, so if you reach out it may take a little bit to get a response, but I will always try and respond once I see it.
Overall, I feel like everyday I am relearning who I am, because we, as people, are constantly learning, and growing, and that is what life is all about.
The last decade of my life was spent being the very best mother and wife I could be, while also learning how to be better at each. It was really a busy, and amazing decade with SO much change, heartbreak, and learning, at the start of the decade I started writing and holy shit the things I learned on that path. It was truly a huge growing time for me personally and as a writer.
But, as with everyone’s lives, things get busy and demanding. I had less and less time and energy to write…things got put on the back-burner. I feel with this stage in my life, I am slowly but surely ready to restart the journey with all of the characters I’ve grown so fond of and invested countless hours into. So, no I don’t know when I will be ready to publish something new yet, but yes I am working again.
I recently have been revisiting Gina and her crew, so that has been a lot of fun. My hope in this decade is to continue to grow as a writer, mother, wife, and person. I also plan on doing things that take me out of my normal routine because life is too short to not. I think I will be spending some time right here one this page adding about all the other things I’m doing and sharing my random thought throughout the journey.
We’ll start with my first ever painting, this ties into the literary world also, my local library was doing a “One Book” which is kind of a community wide book club and they came up with great activities to correlate with the book. The book is called Beneath A Scarlet Sky by Michael Sullivan. I haven’t formed an opinion on the book yet because I am not far enough into it, I will do a review when I am done, though. They held an art class this last week, I am not an artist, and even though I had a bad day at my day job, I drug myself out, and did it. I will post the results below, it was our artistic take on the cover of the book. It was my first time ever trying to do a painting, I found it very relaxing, even though the result wasn’t amazing, lol! It was a fun experience!
My wish for all of you is that you spend this decade learning what sets your soul on fire and doing it! For you all to take chances and take yourself out of your comfort zone!
My take.
Book cover.
Book cover.
My take.
Happy new year!
-Nykki M
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Nykki Mills 